Why do I Run?

Why do I Run? 

It is 5:30 in the morning, two days after I ran a half marathon, I step out of bed to put my baby back to bed after his morning feeding.  As I go to put weight on my legs they want to just give out.  The muscles have been torn so badly from the long downhill race that my muscles just do not want to work.  I steady myself on the wall, hobble my way into my babies room and lay him down to sleep.  As I hobble back to my bed grabbing on to the wall to take some of the weight off of my leg muscles I ask myself, “Why do I do this? Why do I run these races and make myself feel like this? Really, is it worth it?” My kids asked me the same question as they saw me pulling myself up and down the stairs by the railing the day before.  So, in answer to their question, and my own.  This is why I run, this is why I run hard races that challenge me. 

1. I run because it is my time.

As a mom to four little ones I sacrifice myself, my time, my sanity, my everything to be a good mom to them.  I want them to have a good life and I want to do all that I can to help them accomplish that.  I cook, I clean, I teach them to clean, I read to them, I help them with homework, I play games with them, I take them to the park, I take them to storytime, I take them to dance, and soccer, and wrestling, I watch them dance, and play soccer, and wrestle, I take them to friends houses, I invite friends over for them to play with, I take them to doctors appointments, and dentists,  I volunteer at their school, I grocery shop, I do laundry, I make sure my daughter is safe from all the food she is allergic too, I am constantly watching out for their well being.  But when I run, it is my time. It is my time to do something that I love.  It is my time to think, or not think.  I can get lost in my thoughts (which are usually about my kids and their well being) or I can not think. I can turn on music and get lost in a song, I can listen to the steady in and out of my breathing as I run each step and enjoy the rhythm and the quiet. Because as a mom, the quiet is a rare commodity.  Sometimes I run with friends and I get some my time in the sense of being able to talk to other woman and catch up on others’ lives. When I sign up for a long race like a half marathon or a marathon I am committed for a couple of months to train for the race. That commitment makes me schedule time for running, it makes me schedule “My time.”

2.  I run because I like a challenge

I am competitive, everyone who knows me will tell you that.  I am not as good of a runner as I was back in my college glory days but I am still competitive with where I am at now.  I like signing up for a race and setting a goal, based on my fitness level at the time and the amount of training I am able to get in.  Once I have set the goal I love the training to get there. I love going out for a long run and surprising myself at the pace I am able to push that day. I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with setting a goal and reaching it.  When the race gets tough, as it did on Saturday, I enjoy the positive self talk I go through to get myself to finish the race and reach my goal.  Lets just say that their was a lot of self talk going on during the last 3.1 miles. 

3. I run because I always learn something 

In each tough race there is always a moment where I learn a truth about life or about myself. I learn something about myself that I can take into my daily life to help me be a better person.  For instance, during this race, I was able to relate a challenge that I am going through to running.  Because everything in life can be related to running.  As I was in the last 3 miles of the race, I had hit the wall and my legs really did not want to go anymore. I am not a down hill runner, it has always been really hard on my body. I don't know if it is my stride, my build or what, but after ten miles of straight down hill my leg muscles just cannot keep going.  I had kept a 6:30 pace until that ten mile mark.  Each mile after that I was dropping down to 7:30-8:00 min pace.  With every aid station I wanted to take a breather, walk for a minute, let my legs have just a minute break and then go again. But from past experience I knew that if I were to do that I would not be able to get my legs going again.  So I pushed through. I kept telling myself, “Just keep moving, just keep moving, slow miles are better then no miles.”  I started thinking about my daily challenge in life right now that wears me down. It is the challenge of my sweet daughter and her food allergies.  It takes a lot of work and effort to make sure that we are feeding her things that she can safely eat. We also have to make sure that her surroundings are safe because if she touches certain things then touches her eyes, nose or mouth she can have a severe reaction as well. It also takes a lot of work, effort and prayer to keep up on the protocols and treatments for food allergies and know what is best for her.  There are some days where it would be great to just stop and take a breather and not look at every label or watch every kid that is playing by her to make sure that they don’t get their peanut butter sandwich on her.  But the reality is I can’t do that, I have to put forth all my effort everyday to do my due diligence to make sure she is safe.  In this race when I want to take a little break, I can’t, I am capable of moving forward and giving it my best effort every step of the way.  Even if my pace is slowing because my body is struggling with the load of the down hill and the miles, I can keep putting forth my effort to propel me to that finish line.  As in life, when the load I am bearing is a lot, I can either break and crack under that load, or I can use it to keep propelling me to my ultimate goal.  

4. I run because It is a great way to enjoy God’s beauty.

Running gets me out in the beautiful world God created for us. It takes me to places that I would not be otherwise.  As I was running down Snow Canyon on a gorgeous fall morning I couldn’t help but be in awe at the beauty our Heavenly Father has made.  The red rock mountains being hit by the sun is something spectacular that I was able to enjoy as I did something that I enjoy.  Heavenly Father made my body as well and I  am so grateful that I have a body that lets me run and experience something that I love so deeply. 

So, although I am hobbling around my house and trying not to cry every time I walk down the stairs or bend over to pick up a toy, I am glad I ran this half marathon.  I am glad that I was able to train for a few months, make a goal, go through the struggle of reaching the goal and feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with that.