Being Content with where I am at

This weekend I decided to bring myself out of running retirement and run a local 10k.  I have not run this race for at least 6 years.  This race is a hard 10k, even in the peak of my running career this course has gotten the best of me.  It starts with a flat/gradual down hill for the first mile. (That part is nice.) But that is the only nice part about this course. After the first mile you start winding through streets heading towards the mountains. This part has a lot of gradual up and steep up. After you crest the steepest hill you get some rolling hills for a mile or so. After that you get about a quarter mile of pretty steep down and then you turn into the last mile and a half of gradual up again.  And to make it worse you finish the last mile on the same street as the finish line with it looming in the distance for a mile of slow gradual uphill.  Oh yeah, and you have parade goers out cheering for you. Which should be a good thing. But I think it makes it even harder to get through that last mile knowing that I am being watched as I physically cannot finish the course as strong as I would like to.

    As I went into this race on Saturday I had to really do a lot of self positive talk. I have had some bad experiences on this course, even when I was in excellent running shape.  To make a long story short lets just say that one year I decided to take a break on some very nice looking grass for a few minutes when I only had half a mile to go. I don't do that!  I don't quit!  But one year this dang course got the best of me and the grass just looked way to nice to not stop and rest there.
    I knew I was probably a little crazy to think that I should even run this thing when I have only been running a couple times a week right now and  have not gone longer then 5 miles since I got pregnant with my baby boy over a year ago.
     My running has been on a little bit of a low right now, not because I don't want to run but because life is busy being a mom of four little ones, and my body is having a hard time keeping up with all the demands placed upon it.  Running is therapeutic and so good for my mental well being but lately it has been taking a toll on my physical well being.  I can get through a run but my back kills for days after and I have a hard time functioning which makes carrying and wrestling children all day a little bit of a struggle. I have been doing yoga and trying new shoes and a new bed and back adjustments and all sorts of things to get back into being able to run.  Things have been going pretty well so I decided I needed a little kick start by running this race to get me back in training mode since I am hoping to do a half marathon in November. So I decided to make the jump.
    As the race started I felt pretty good I told my self to just listen to my body and not expect too much today, my goal today was to finish, without stopping for a nap on some nice grass.  The biggest problem that I have with running now that I am 11 years out of Collegiate running is I still think that I should be able to run the times I ran in college.  I feel like I should be able to compete the way I did 11 years ago when I didn't have kids or when my body hadn't been through 4 pregnancies and deliveries. I feel like I should be able to run as fast as I did when I trained six days a week and competed against the best in the nation. I know that this is crazy but it is how I think, and then I get frustrated and upset that I can't do it.  It is one thing to tell my self to "listen to my body and be okay with just finishing," but the reality is is that I am competitive I want to win I want to beat the girl that tries to out sprint me at the end and I want to hang with the fastest runners in the field.
    As the race got harder and we started approaching the hills, I realized that my training and my body were just not going to be able to stay with the fastest women I made new goals and I started thinking.  Through this time of pondering I learned some things about myself. I learned some things that I think we can all relate to in life in so many ways.
     I learned that I need to be content with where I am at and strive for improvement upon that.  I don't like the word content because it sometimes conveys complacency and I have never been one for that. But in the dictionary it says content is "in a state of peaceful happiness."  During the race I realized that I need to be happy that I am out running on a beautiful fall morning. I need to be happy that although my back is going to hurt tomorrow and a few days after, it doesn't hurt right now and I am able to run.  I need to be happy that amiss the chaos of motherhood I found a way to get out and run this race today and do something that I really really love.  I need to be happy that even in my older age and lack of consistent training I still have a God given talent that can get me through races like this and remind me of my love for good hard physical work and mental clarity that comes with it.  
     As I started into that last mile and a half of the awful gradual uphill I was happy. I was running. I was moving, (although slower now then I had wanted) I was still running and I was finishing this race today, without the rest on the grass.  My pace slowed down in this last mile by quite a bit. I started to get frustrated but then realized that due to the fact that I had not run more then 5 miles in over a year and a half of course that 6th mile was going to be a struggle. My body was not conditioned to run more then 5 miles especially at this faster pace and harder course then I had been training on.  So Instead of feeling panicky and upset with myself I felt accomplished. I told myself that this was great for me right now. This is a great starting point for me to build on and to make improvements to my running again through consistent training and faster workouts.
    I also started thinking about how this mentality crosses over to other areas of my life as well. We are all at different points in our live's in our spirituality, in our education, in our careers, in our relationships etc.  We need to look at where we are, be content with that and realize it is a great starting point to try and do more to become better.  A better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better Child of God, a better employee or employer, a better sister, a better daughter, etc. We need to take a look at our own circumstances, realize where we are and be happy but also realize that we can do more and make the changes we need to in our daily lives (or our training) so that we can perform better when the race is on!